Rabbi Yoel Lieberman
Question
Dear Rabbi There is a young couple who are dating, they are Shomrei Shabbos and kosher but not chareidi. The young man’s family live in another city and have invited the young lady to join them at their home for Yom Tov. There will be a separate room her to sleep in, and the extended family will be there as well. Is there a problem, halachic and/or hashkafic for her to accept and go? Your answer will be very much appreciated. Thank you
Answer
ב"ה Shalom, First, may I wish the young man and lady all the best. It is right thing to ask this question. I respect your request not to publish the answer, but it is important for others to know as well. Before any other issue, there is the outright Halacha of "Yichud" , that the young man and lady should not at any time be together in a private place on their own. Besides that, there is an issue when a couple is already engaged, which is a stage when the man and woman know each other much closer and long for each other more that they should not stay in the same home. According to Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l, when a man and woman are dating, they may rent separate rooms even in the same house as long as they inform the home owner, that they are not married to prevent any stumbling block. In this case, when it obvious to all that they are dating ,it is therefore permissible for them to sleep in the same house. Nonetheless, even at the stage of courting, there is a common practice among many, not to sleep over in the same house. Therefore, my suggestion is to employ proper judgment to see how to handle the situation where all sides are happy and modesty is kept. Even if one wants to be stringent and not stay at the same home, this does not mean they cannot spend Yom tov together for meals. All it requires is that accommodations be found for one of them to sleep in another home. All the best
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