Rabbi David Sperling
Question
I recently sat at a full shabbos table and I noticed the person next to me had a little shmutz in his beard. I wanted to tell him discreetly somehow, so as to avoid drawing other peoples attention to that, but he was singing zemiros nonstop with such kavanah that there was no opportunity for me to do so. If he were to stop singing that would draw attention, and I felt that it would interrupt his kavanah in an unfortunate way into what would certainly become embarrassment. Also, as a single woman who is not his family, I felt uncomfortable telling him publicly from a tznius standpoint. And as shomer negiah, giving him a poke as he took a breath for the next song was not an option either. What would be the best course of action from a halachic perspective, to prevent/minimize his embarrassment in this situation?
Answer
Shalom, Thank you for your question. What you ask is really a question of manners and etiquette, and not halacha or law. There is no clear answer to how best to go about helping the man in question clean out his beard. Some people are better than others at things like this – knowing how to have just the right smile, volume and tone of voice. Other people seem to be able to “make a big deal” out of nothing. It sounds like all options are open to you in such a situation, and a person would have to use their natural inclinations and social skills to do their best at helping while not causing embarrassment. May you be blessed with the ability to always find the correct path.
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