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Our Sedra, however, lists 3 legitimate exemptions from joining the battle (there is a dispute as to whether this applies only to an optional war, or also to an obligatory war). The exemptions for staying home are:
If one built a house but had not yet lived in it; if one planted a vineyard & had not yet availed himself of its produce; if one had betrothed a woman but had not yet actually married her. These are elemental milestones in one’s life which Hashem, in His infinite kindness, does not want us to miss out on.
The Torah then goes on to list another category: If one is frightened or soft-hearted he, too may be sent away from the battle. Rashi brings two very different approaches: Rabbi Akiva says this refers to one who cannot bear the sight of blood & risks demoralizing his fellow soldiers. Rav Yosi Haglili differs; he says it refers to one who is afraid that he has sinned, & so is filled with anxiety and concern that that Hashem will not protect him in the war.
Rav Yosi adds an amazing postscript: The first three categories of exemption, he says, are only provided so as to give the sinner a pretext as to why he is withdrawing from the army; he can blame it on the other reasons, so no one will know why he really is leaving!
The implications of Rav Yosi’s comments are stunning. On the one hand, it demonstrates the high value we place on not shaming another, even to the extent that we create a subterfuge so that he may avoid embarrassment. At the same time, Rav Yosi is telling us that, in reality, there is no "good" reason to refrain from joining ones’ comrades in arms in times of crisis; only negative reasons.
As for Rabbi Akiva, who most exemplified the concept of talmidei chachamim fighting the holy battles of Hashem, why does he not allow for the concept of a person being scared of his having sinned? Writes the Lubavitcher Rebbe: The very fact that one is worried about his actions is in itself a form of teshuva & enough of a reason for G-d to forgive his indiscretions & so protect him in battle!
Let us pray that our spiritual merit enables us to maintain the peace & avoid war. But if, G-d forbid, the time comes when we must fight, let us have the strength to do so without any fear or self-doubt.
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